I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize