um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
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