How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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