I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
