Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
this boner is exhausting
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
