do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
