he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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