i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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