Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
