Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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