I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
