come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
