i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
