Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
No stitches, just platelets and will power
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize
