I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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