Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize