i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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