Barsexuality is the new black.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
