She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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