i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Randomize