remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
