I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
