Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Im just a social blackout drinker.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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