mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
