Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
