Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize