Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
