I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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