We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
