that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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