I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
