fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
