i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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