He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
