So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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