CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
