We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
