There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
