There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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