I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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