I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
