My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
