That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
