how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
