My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
