It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
