I look better un-naked...
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
