I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize