There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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