Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
BRING THE BAGELS
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
