i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
