The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Randomize
