you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
