I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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