she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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