The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize