Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
