So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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