before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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