Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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