We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize